Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Possibilities Hoarder

**Note – after I wrote this, I realized it was more of a self-talk moment than a moment to encourage you…consider yourself warned about the on goings between my 2 perfectly shaped ears!**

Have you ever thought about what makes us hold on to things?

What are the emotional drivers that make us think something is valuable? Emotional investment of time, or mind space.  A specific memory that is triggered whether fond or fragile? A relationship failed or gained.

This weekend I saw the movie Inside Out.  They talk about things called “core memories”.  They are the drivers that everything else inspires and expires from.

I wonder how many of the things we hold on to are driven by these core memories.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve spent much of the last week cleaning out my garage.  Cleaning out tubs of craft items and frankly there were enough that Hobby Lobby should be running a distribution center out of my garage.  There were tubs of Christmas decorations and I’m pretty sure that of the last 5 years, I’ve only put up a tree once.  There were files that I had moved here from my previous jobs and loads of things I’m pretty sure I’m holding on to for decorations if I ever get married.

Some days.
Lots of ifs and coulds and might bes.

I wanted them for some reason.  Do they make me feel safe? Do the feel my need from dream space? Do they mask and cover what hasn’t been from what I wanted to be?

So, I did what I’ve put off for almost 3 years. …I purged my stuff.  I’ve realized that I was stuffing an unsafe place in my mind with things.  And, I’ve begin to hold on to those things as things that will fill voids.  Voids caused by real relationships (or the lack there of).  Voids caused by negative self-talk.  Voids caused by thinking and holding on to the past.  Voids caused by being scared to step into the future. 

Some days.
Lots of ifs and coulds and maybes.

I found treasures, lots of treasures.  It’s not that I was just holding on to junk.  There were good
things; a seriously nice set of Stampin’ Up stamp sets, antique handkerchiefs most likely hand embroidered by my grandmother and nice collection of spools of thread circa 1964 (Walmart of you want them for the museum, I’ll drive them over!).  My baby blankets, lots of purple Relay for Life decorations, nearly every certificate I received in elementary school, a Ziploc bag of hair bows from my childhood and a nice collection of spider webs and blood worms and decor for a fantastic Halloween party. 

All good things, but maybe not things I need now.  One of the nice things about growing older is that you begin to know yourself.  You learn your decorating style, your gift giving style, how you will decorate for the holidays and more importantly, how you won’t! You begin to learn what matters most and what doesn’t.  You begin to be proud of where you’ve come from and realize the impression each of those steps have placed on your heart. 

I mean its nice to know that your second grade teacher thought you were helpful in her class and that you really did get an athletic award once in your life, even if it was participation in field day….and every kid got one (trophies were too expensive!). Its fun to see some of the early art pieces you did in 7th grade as you were honing your artistic skills.  The loads of lesson plans when you wrote curriculum for an after school program in college were really impressive….but stop!

Some days.
Lots of didn’ts, shouldn’ts and couldn’ts.

And yet, you are here.  A contributing member of society.  A giver.  A dreamer.  A creative.  A doer.  And holding up quite nicely I might add.  You don’t know what the days ahead will bring.  But, there are 25 boxes of hoarding dead weight that will not be holding you back!

My name is Keisha.  I’m the person behind the @bigpittstop brand.  I dream. I create. I emote. I believe in possibilities, but I will not be held back, stuffed out or driven by some days!


Junque Rethunque said...

So good! I am still pausing over what you said last night about keeping things because you want to have another opportunity experience the same feelings you feel when going through those special things. It's not about "take a picture and you'll always have it", it's about the memories evoked when you TOUCH those things. I think that is so true. Not a reason to keep the things - but still so good to know what's going on in the old brain. :)

Big Pitt Stop said...

Yes. I've been thinking about it too. Might be a follow up there!

Talya Tate Boerner said...

Girl this is deep stuff. Loved it.