My dear Lacey...
- What have you OVERCOME? Childbirth
- What was your turning point? The turning point for me, to get over my fear of childbirth came at 6am Monday, March 19, 2012. I have said, since I was 15 years old, that when I get pregnant “they are going to have to cut it out of me, because I am not pushing it out”. So when I found out I was pregnant with our first child, I was very excited, but in the back of my mind all I could think about was what being pregnant really meant, giving birth! So I tried not to think about it, and between baby showers and getting a room ready for the baby, I almost forgot all about that part of the process. Then, at 39 weeks, my water broke at 3am. We rushed to the hospital, and those fears came like a flood. It was really happening, I was really going to have to do this. I had been told many times by my doctor that the only reason they would do a C-section was in an emergency, and trust me, I asked many times. So, I knew this was not an emergency and I was going to have to go through childbirth. Everyone that was there that day was wonderful, and reassured me that I could do it, and that they would be there to help me. It was a long day, and eventually, around midnight, March 20, 2012 I had my boy. It was over. I’m not sure if this is pregnancy amnesia or something else, but it wasn’t that bad. So, when the time came to think about another addition to our family, I was excited at the prospect of being pregnant again. For those that know me, I am not good at keeping secrets. When I found out we were pregnant again, I couldn’t wait to tell our parents and all my friends. All the while, I had this feeling in the back of my mind that something was wrong. I didn’t show it, but I was thinking it. Every morning, while in the shower, I would think about what we would say if we found out we lost the baby. How would we react? What would other people say? So, like before, I tried to put all those thoughts behind me. But I couldn’t. One day something was wrong, and I went to the doctor. Two days later we found out I miscarried. I was only 11 weeks along. But in those 11 weeks, we had already contemplated names, room décor and had our son saying he was a big brother. The miscarriage was a traumatic thing to experience. First off, it was emotional, we lost a baby. Second, it was physically traumatic. I had some complications that landed me in the hospital for a couple days. In those days, I found out who we were surrounded by…great family, great friends, and great doctors. But more importantly, we were surrounded by a great GOD who loves us and protected us in every aspect of that experience. I actually believe, those thoughts I had every morning in the shower, were preparing my heart for what was happening. And come to find out, everyone else had the feeling that something wasn’t right. We are overcoming this recent loss, and I’m not gonna lie, its hard. I think about it every day. But we are not going to let it scare us from continuing to grow our family. I know that in God’s time, it will happen again, and it will be amazing. I am comforted in the fact that I am actually looking forward to my worst fear…childbirth!
- 5 word life mantra - I don’t really have a 5 word life mantra. I do, however, have to say to myself several times a day “Let it go” (no, not from Frozen). Just “let it go”, forget about it. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter.
- Quote you live by - My dad always asks me, “Are you happy?” Sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes it is no. But once you start thinking about what it really means to be happy and what is making you happy at that point in time, the answer usually turns to yes. I think he is playing Jedi mind tricks on me.
See, I told you she has a beautiful spirit....and is oh so brave!