Day One - that annoying question
I'll admit for a person who gets their spirit fed by spending time around others there are many days that just aren't fun when you are single (there are however many days that are and I'm sure that's a topic to come).
But, for me, the days that "suck". Like bottom of the pit, fall into one of 3 categories:
-when it's been a no good, lousy, terrible, good for nothing day
-when there are victories to be celebrated in a way that only your "other half" understands ( they've persevered through the context )
-when I want to try a new adventure and need a partner in crime or extra push
Yep, for me, it's not a specific day. I'm good with going to social events alone (well most of them). Because see, here's the deal if you take a date who is not fully engulfed in the situation too, you end up babysitting. (Note to husband, just stay with me and let me flutter my wings. I promise to introduce you to all the cool people) I'm one of those who goes into a room and just owns it. It's what I do. I don't really do situations that I'm not going to be confident in but after 9 years in the grown up world where my job has always been to connect with people, this one thing I've got down. So I can handle the wedding, birthday party, concert , lecture, etc.
Some might think V-day (or singles awareness day) would be hard. And it is. But suck, no. I don't have to dress up and then eat like a bird. I don't have to come up with some cheesy gift idea. I don't have to fight Mylar balloons with tongue in cheek sayings that play on animals, like "I love you beary much!" I like the idea of those things being done on any random day of the year not because it is the dubbed "day of love".
No, I struggle when I need someone to be mad with me. Or to tell me to shake it off and get over myself. I struggle when I've had a lousy day or need someone to build me up and tell me I am enough. Someone to be grumpy with me and fight for me. When my heart hurts, I don't want to be alone. I remember very specifically the afternoon after we buried my grandmother in 2007. It was a Saturday afternoon and I had driven in the day before from Arkansas to my family gathered in East Texas. When we got back to her house, everyone changed and started packing their clothes, including my parents and were just ready to leave like nothing happened. I needed to process and I sure wasn't going to stay in that house by myself that night. So I got in my car and drove back to Arkansas. It was several months before I got over that time. I need a processor.
But, I also struggle in the moments of life on the opposite end of the joy spectrum. There are not many things more troubling than having a victory and no one to share it with. Everyday victories are just as big a deal to share as the life conquering kind. Recently I've make some serious strides in working on work life balance. In my world, they are HUGE victories, but only if you have someone to share them with. I was recently selected as 1 of 36 to join the Leadership Arkansas program. With the number in the class not hitting what I thought they would take, I figured that the number of applications was lower and they took everyone. At our retreat I learned that over 100 applied and they only selected the ones that they wanted part of the program. Big professional step. I wanted to celebrate. While a nice dinner or dessert would have been a great way, a high 5 and hug with "I'm proud of you" would have sufficed as well. Celebration wears a lot of different coats.
And my third area, a life partner in crime. Just this weekend I was talking to a friend about creating an Arkansas bucket list. Over the last month, I've become aware of the number of opportunities of super cool things going on around me that frankly I'm just not willing to try alone. (Like last weekend an art gallery gathering of an Irish artist that I would have loved and was invited by the guy putting it on or the event last Friday night where 2 great Nashville bands were playing cover at an underground restaurant. Super cool experience. Not going alone when I know no one there) Last October I took a day and drove to the Buffalo River and Ponca Valley and played a little. Believe it or not, I had to conjor up some bravery to do that. I mean who wants to be the chick sitting watching a German band play polka music at the Friday night festival on the square or saunter around the local farmer's market on a Saturday morning or hit one of the super happening community festivals that happen any given weekend of the year-all by yourself.
It's the everyday little things where it stinks. Those big events. For some reason I can work myself up to face them. I usually have to make a "reason " to be there or a way to distract myself. But getting over those big and little celebrations, those are the ones that get me.